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| Some words are meant to be said, some are supposed to be kept quiet.
Some should only be said in the moment, some needs to be continuously reminded.
As I go on with my days, as that smile returned back to its familiar place.
I wonder, am I fine? Have I surpassed those painful memories? Have I moved on...
Everytime, when I am reminded of the time, a little part of me breaks apart.
And I wonder, will next time be the same? Will it hurt just as much?
As pressure builds from all sides, as the imperfections of myself become more and more apparent.
I wonder, am I the one to blame?...
I find myself seeking for comfort at the most randomest places these days.
Yet, at the end of the night, loneliness is what resides in my heart.
I no longer feel safe and protected, I no longer feel needed and loved.
I am struggling, to keep my head above the water. I am struggling, to come up for air.
sinking deeper, from within.
I reach out my arms, I scream loud into the darkness,
I ask, I ask for a word of concern, a sign of worry or just a glimpse of hope.
Again, I am tired, I am tired of all that's in my head, I am tired of all the struggles I have to go through, I am tired of waiting for what's expected...
If only life could be simple, if only...
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| I am in so much pain, my heart hurts beyond belief. I'm so disappointed, so hurt by the one, and many others. The world's looking so gloomy right now. Everytime I sit here, I feel like crying. Crying to the point where I can't breath, crying to the point where there's no more tears. I want to shout to the world, to let my side of the story be known. I want to shout to the world that I am not strong enough to withstand all of this. My 20th birthday present was a broken heart.
Friendships' hard. Maybe it's not meant to work out, maybe it's a sign to give up on it. Maybe it's time that I should be replaced by the other person. I no longer feel secure with this friendship, i'm beginning to doubt if u'll be there for me when i need you the most next time. I get mad way too often, you take it time after time, one day u'll say u've had enough. I don't want that day to come, so should i back out before then? Too many expectations lead to too many disappointments. At the end, anger and frustration cannot be said, disappointment and pain will not be
seen, it's the only way to keep u from blaming urself... I am trapped.. I want
to shout it to the world my side of the story...i'm tired... I want to search for
simplicity in life... I want to go back to the time when I can talk to my best friend and smile instead of cry. I want to go back to the time I was still 19. I want to go back to the time when things weren't so difficult.
It's a long road ahead... the treachery, the glominess... is it worth it? am i fit to
go on...?
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| Finals is right around the corner.. pretty sucky schedule this semester...
Monday: 1pm CHLH330 Take Home Final Due
1:30-4:30 MCB 251
Tuesday: 8:00-11:00 Chem 232
Wednesday: 1:30-4:30 MCB250
Thursday: 1:30-4:30 Physics 101
I mean.. it could be much worse right? I know someone who has 1 on monday, 2 on tuesday, 2 on wednesday, and 1 thursday.. yea.. sick...
 So... anytime before Thursday at 5.. i'll be studying...
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